This is not really one I enjoy

If I could rank Bald Mountain alone, it'd go above Snow White.

Notable Grossness

The centaurs pair off based on color.......yiiiiikeess. Generic Asian mushrooms doing a non-specific Asian "dance" (from what I can tell). Bacchus is his name in Roman culture; he's Dionysus in Greek myth. Why are Bacchus' serving centaurs black women?!?!?! They already cut out the other black "servant" centaurs, thankfully - why leave in the ones who are serving Bacchus? Gross. Also why do the Centaurettes have to be so sexy and preening? Why do the fish have bedroom eyes? What is this madness?

So...I think almost all of Fantasia is boring. I'm not a big fan of abstract art or orchestral music to begin with. Even the parts that are about the start of life on earth (which I'm fascinated by), the dinosaurs, and Greek myth (which, come on, it's me) are boring and weird. Why is Zeus attacking Bacchus and the Centaurs? I can see some of the things that ended up in Hercules; some styling on Pegasus and Zeus specifically.

I love The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and I love the ice skating fairies in the Nutcracker Suite. Almost everything else is just....eh. By the time we get to the ballerina animals, my capacity for whimsy is depleted; I think the toe-shoe ostriches are disconcerting to look at - their legs bend the wrong way (obviously they bend the right way for ostriches, but it's just weird to watch). What does work for me is the evil crocodiles flapping their capes; they're hysterical. Some of the Dance of the Hours is just bizarre enough to make it funny; for example, when the hippo runs far enough away that she disappears and then runs back, and when the crocodile hitches a ride on the hippo's leg while she's spinning. Either way, none of that number hits its full potential.

Night on Bald Mountain is by far the masterpiece of Fantasia; the special effects are phenomenal, and in my opinion, it's the segment that most closely matches music and animation in tone, story, and interest level. I should really watch this every Halloween. It's so great. Even the little assorted demons and ghosts feel like they have character development to me. I get why they melded it into Ave Maria, and other than the fact that Ave Maria does NOTHING for me as a musical composition, I do love the animation of the people going through the woods with their lights. And the choral work reminds me of Sleeping Beauty, and I love that choral work there too.

Chernobog, a blue-skinned demon with glowing yellow eyes and giant black wings, shields himself from a flash of light. The caption says, 'When my alarm goes off'

The animation in Fantasia is fine. There's not a lot in there that is epically impressive outside of Bald Mountain. I definitely appreciate why folks like it, though, and I acknowledge that it's good animation with good music, so I'm giving it a high grade and ranking it really low.

November 10th, 2020

More Disney Animated Features

A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Pete's Dragon
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.
Mary Poppins
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.
A Goofy Movie

Recent Snark

The Lion King

February 22nd, 2022

This is a really epic movie, but it's less of my favorite than I remember. It still has some great moments and songs I like but basically, the half of the movie where Simba's away from Pride Rock is more boring than I remember, and I care a lot less about Simba when he's not a tiny baby.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

July 13th, 2021

Do I honestly even have to review this movie? I have a matching tattoo with my brothers where we each got Lock, Shock, or Barrel. I think it's safe to say I love the hell out of this movie. I've also seen it so many times, and so many times recently, that I ranked it before I even started it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aladdin

July 6th, 2021

This is really just such a joyful piece of art, not ONLY because of Robin Williams but definitely a lot because of Robin Williams.

Beauty and the Beast

June 29th, 2021

I love Belle and the animated furniture is charming. I liked this a lot more when I was a kid.

The Rescuers Down Under

June 22nd, 2021

This is legit one of my favorite movies.

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

June 15th, 2021

What in the actual hell is this movie? Is this the trial run on Aladdin? But like.............a bad one? Also the literal best part of this movie is when they play the DuckTales theme. At the end. :sigh: