Man I hate Snow White. I remembered hating it but haven't watched it in decades. Confirmed: I hate it.

The songs are irritating, the story is boring, let alone the usual "princess/prince" plot that is.....not great. The animation is fine, but I wish they had spent as much time on the character building as they did on the beautiful animation of the dwarves' instruments. It felt like it could have been a 30-minute movie that they dragged out.

Notable Grossness

No arguments can be made for "it was a different time" - I find it exceptionally irritating that Snow White's only skills seem to be singing (debatable) and cleaning house. Caveat: I absolutely love Sleeping Beauty, largely because most of the movie is barely about her, and the rest of the characters are so much more interesting. :shrug: I'm a hypocrite.

So much of my time watching this movie was me being angry at everything that came out of Grumpy's mouth. We spent altogether too much time watching the rest of the dwarves trying to force Grumpy to wash up.

Sleepy, a white dwarf with white beard and hair, a green hat, and a tan tunic, looks on as Grumpy, a white dwarf with a white beard, red tunic with elbow patches, and brown hat shouts and wags his finger. What he says, and is captioned, is 'And all females is poison! They're full of wicked wiles.'

Grumpy, you are annoying as hell.

This review might seem super harsh, but they solved basically every problem listed here in their very next animated film, Pinocchio, which I just started watching.

October 27th, 2020

More Disney Animated Features

A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Pete's Dragon
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.
Mary Poppins
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.
A Goofy Movie

Recent Snark

The Lion King

February 22nd, 2022

This is a really epic movie, but it's less of my favorite than I remember. It still has some great moments and songs I like but basically, the half of the movie where Simba's away from Pride Rock is more boring than I remember, and I care a lot less about Simba when he's not a tiny baby.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

July 13th, 2021

Do I honestly even have to review this movie? I have a matching tattoo with my brothers where we each got Lock, Shock, or Barrel. I think it's safe to say I love the hell out of this movie. I've also seen it so many times, and so many times recently, that I ranked it before I even started it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aladdin

July 6th, 2021

This is really just such a joyful piece of art, not ONLY because of Robin Williams but definitely a lot because of Robin Williams.

Beauty and the Beast

June 29th, 2021

I love Belle and the animated furniture is charming. I liked this a lot more when I was a kid.

The Rescuers Down Under

June 22nd, 2021

This is legit one of my favorite movies.

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

June 15th, 2021

What in the actual hell is this movie? Is this the trial run on Aladdin? But like.............a bad one? Also the literal best part of this movie is when they play the DuckTales theme. At the end. :sigh: