This one was way disappointing. It's unfortunate.

Ech. It's partially my own fault because I love the Rescuers Down Under SO MUCH, but I was salty about this one from the beginning. However, I am not without reason when I state that the animation in this film is AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL. The backgrounds, the colors, the weird ass sometimes-real-sometimes-animated fireworks footage. The animals are all the wrong size. Muskrats are over a foot long! What are you even doing, animators?! Bernard's superstition never paid off. What was the point of it. Also why does Orville do the Goofy holler? Get out of here with that junk.

Notable Grossness

Bernard - you complete assbutt. "LOL LADIES DON'T GO ON MISSIONS" Can I have volunteers? EVERY DUDE IS OBSESSED WITH BIANCA LOLOLOLOL

Bob Newhart as Bernard is adorable. I loved Eva Gabor in Green Acres, but she's doing nothing for me as a voice actress. It's also probably because this is the second movie she's voiced where the story and animation is garbage. Even the sound effects are garbage - Rufus purring sounds like me trying to make a purring cat noise, not something a sound department got paid a shit ton of money to do professionally.

Penny, a little white girl with blond hair in two pigtails, wearing a yellow nightshirt, holds and snuggles a stuffed light brown Winnie the Pooh toy wearing a red shirt, closing her eyes. The caption reads, 'Disney, why did you make me hate this little girl?'

The plot is slow as hell. The music is annoying. I don't care about a single one of the characters. It's obvious they took a lot of inspiration for Medusa from Cruella De Vil, and just...........does it even worse, somehow. I'm also getting sick of Bianca's "a lady does things like X!" shtick and we're only like 20 minutes in.

Look, the only good part of this movie is Orville crashing his damn ass, and then taking off like a maniac who can't catch his breath. I don't honestly have much to say.

April 27th, 2021

More Disney Animated Features

A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Pete's Dragon
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.
Mary Poppins
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.
A Goofy Movie

Recent Snark

The Lion King

February 22nd, 2022

This is a really epic movie, but it's less of my favorite than I remember. It still has some great moments and songs I like but basically, the half of the movie where Simba's away from Pride Rock is more boring than I remember, and I care a lot less about Simba when he's not a tiny baby.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

July 13th, 2021

Do I honestly even have to review this movie? I have a matching tattoo with my brothers where we each got Lock, Shock, or Barrel. I think it's safe to say I love the hell out of this movie. I've also seen it so many times, and so many times recently, that I ranked it before I even started it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aladdin

July 6th, 2021

This is really just such a joyful piece of art, not ONLY because of Robin Williams but definitely a lot because of Robin Williams.

Beauty and the Beast

June 29th, 2021

I love Belle and the animated furniture is charming. I liked this a lot more when I was a kid.

The Rescuers Down Under

June 22nd, 2021

This is legit one of my favorite movies.

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

June 15th, 2021

What in the actual hell is this movie? Is this the trial run on Aladdin? But like.............a bad one? Also the literal best part of this movie is when they play the DuckTales theme. At the end. :sigh: