This one is barely animated and it was boooooring.

This shouldn't even count as an animated film, tbh. But it's also......just bad.

Notable Grossness

A doll of a Native American won at a county fair, and glorification of Columbus - other than that, pretty much nothing.

This is so weird. There are some brief animated segments but they're........weird and seem out of place. This kid is trying to enter his black lamb into the county fair to win an award, that's the grander story. It feels like Charlotte's Web but much more boring. Also there's a moment in the movie where the religiosity gets pretty serious, and I half expected the grandma to start telling the kid to cleanse himself with self-flaggelation for daring to say that God couldn't take his pet lamb (i.e. let him die). I thought it was gonna go Rosemary's Baby for a minute.

Granny Kincaid, a white woman in a long dark dress with a light colored long apron and a dark shawl, with brown hair, lifts a light towel off the ground, while looking down at Danny, a white child with blond hair in a red bathrobe who is kneeling on the ground. The caption reads, 'Not the good towels again! That's it, I'm calling Christopher Columbus to give you a good talking-to about morality'

Anyway, it's weird and boring, and not a great combo of actors. There are a couple of interesting moments and clever turns of phrase, but all in all, I'm good if I never see this again. I'm grading it super low because the animated parts were useless, poorly written, and not relevant to the story.

January 26th, 2021

More Disney Animated Features

A movie release poster shows a group of white people, 4 men, a woman, and a young boy, surrounding a green animated dragon with pink wings and red hair. The poster says "Coming at Christmas, Walt Disney Productions' Pete's Dragon"
Pete's Dragon
Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.
Mary Poppins
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.
A Goofy Movie

Recent Snark

The Lion King

February 22nd, 2022

This is a really epic movie, but it's less of my favorite than I remember. It still has some great moments and songs I like but basically, the half of the movie where Simba's away from Pride Rock is more boring than I remember, and I care a lot less about Simba when he's not a tiny baby.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

July 13th, 2021

Do I honestly even have to review this movie? I have a matching tattoo with my brothers where we each got Lock, Shock, or Barrel. I think it's safe to say I love the hell out of this movie. I've also seen it so many times, and so many times recently, that I ranked it before I even started it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aladdin

July 6th, 2021

This is really just such a joyful piece of art, not ONLY because of Robin Williams but definitely a lot because of Robin Williams.

Beauty and the Beast

June 29th, 2021

I love Belle and the animated furniture is charming. I liked this a lot more when I was a kid.

The Rescuers Down Under

June 22nd, 2021

This is legit one of my favorite movies.

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

June 15th, 2021

What in the actual hell is this movie? Is this the trial run on Aladdin? But like.............a bad one? Also the literal best part of this movie is when they play the DuckTales theme. At the end. :sigh: