Latest Review

Pete's Dragon

There are literally 3 good people in this film: Elliott, Pete, and Nora. Three and a half because Lampie has his good moments. This is a movie about a bunch of jerky, drunk people who are either trying to scam a small town or abuse children.

They didn't spend enough time with Elliott visible. He's darling and I love him. Given that I hate almost everyone else in this film, I want more Elliot time.

The right message is there in the end, honestly, but my patience is very thin for how much terribleness is mixed in. I'll give them 40+ minutes of true wholesomeness at the beginning (after the Gogans' first song), but the movie could have done with like...2 less groups of villains. The town, the teacher, the Gogans, the traveling scam artist. I need a break from everyone who's awful.

March 28th, 2023

More Disney Animated Features

Five human actors, a woman, a man, and three children of various ages, sit on a flying brass bed with a floral blanket, with the moon and clouds behind them. Below them, illustrated animals are in various poses: two fish dance together (one in a suit); two fish and an octopus play in a band together with the words "The Briny Boys" on the front of the drum kit; an alligator, a rhino, and a gorilla run around a soccer field in yellow and green athletic outfits; a lion in a crown and red royal robe stands with one foot on the soccer ball; and a secretary bird in a suit with glasses stands watching.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Bert, a chimney sweep, Jane, a young blonde child in a red dress and yellow overcoat, Michael, a young strawberry blonde child in short pants and a button coat, and Mary Poppins, a nanny in a red dress with a black hat with white flowers, stand on a rooftop, covered in soot.
Mary Poppins
Bigfoot, a giant humanoid creature with red fur, sits in front of a cardboard box with a downward pointing arrow on the side, wearing a pair of white men's briefs underwear on his head. He holds the crotch hole open with his fingers so he can look out. Goofy, a dog-like humanoid cartoon with black skin and a pale face, and long ears, watches from his yellow car several hundred feet behind Bigfoot, with his son Max in the passenger seat; Max looks similar to Goofy.
A Goofy Movie
Simba, a young male lion with brown fur and no mane, stands on a rock to be face-to-face with Scar, an adult male lion who is fairly skinny, with brown fur, a dark brown mane, and a scar across his left eye and left eyebrow.
The Lion King

Recent Snark

The Nightmare Before Christmas

July 13th, 2021

Do I honestly even have to review this movie? I have a matching tattoo with my brothers where we each got Lock, Shock, or Barrel. I think it's safe to say I love the hell out of this movie. I've also seen it so many times, and so many times recently, that I ranked it before I even started it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aladdin

July 6th, 2021

This is really just such a joyful piece of art, not ONLY because of Robin Williams but definitely a lot because of Robin Williams.

Beauty and the Beast

June 29th, 2021

I love Belle and the animated furniture is charming. I liked this a lot more when I was a kid.

The Rescuers Down Under

June 22nd, 2021

This is legit one of my favorite movies.

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

June 15th, 2021

What in the actual hell is this movie? Is this the trial run on Aladdin? But like.............a bad one? Also the literal best part of this movie is when they play the DuckTales theme. At the end. :sigh:

The Little Mermaid

June 8th, 2021

We all knew where this was going to land, right? I mean, come the hell on.